Waiting for tomorrow!

Well today I am 19 weeks along which is just one week shy of half way!! Tomorrow is our big appointment which will hopefully accomplish the following:

1) Let us know the baby is doing well
2) Release me to go back to work

I have been feeling a lot of movement and I am definitely getting bigger everyday so I anticipate that the baby will be right on track!

That is all for now, but we'll let you all know how it goes tomorrow!

No news is good news!

Well no news from me is always good news, so I hope no one is out there worrying for us! I got a wonderful surprise last week when Jon came home two days early. So we have just spent time with our family hanging out and remembering all that we have to be thankful for. I have been feeling amazing! I have had no spotting since Friday, so the Doc was right on about that. I have been slowly increasing my activity around the house and am so so ready to go back to work. I feel so tired being at home all the time. I hear that the less active you are the less active your body wants you to be, so I've gone about four days in a row now without my afternoon nap trying to get ready for that adjustment. :) Right now we are just waiting until my apt on the 23rd where they will do a full anatomy check on the baby, and if inquiring minds want to know we are still not finding out the sex.....sorry you'll just have to wait! But that apt will offer even more relief and I highly anticipate my release back to the real world, instead of watching re-runs on daytime cable. Thank you again for all your encouragement! We are almost half way there and I couldn't have done it without you! xoxo Jes

Getting better all the time.....

Well, I had a doctors appointment yesterday and while the bedside manner of the doctor (who is not my doctor) was quite disappointing (long story) the results of the appointment itself are fantastic! Here is where we stand. We were concerned because I have been spotting since February 8th and the doctors wanted to make sure that the abruption was not worsening or that my cervix was not changing or causing other problems. So we went in had the ultrasound and doctor says I'm fine! So here are the details. After I was hospitalized on Feb 8th I had a hematoma (blood clot) from the abruption that was larger than the placenta and the baby both. What the ultrasound confirmed yesterday is that my body has reabsorbed and lost the majority of the hematoma. We are now looking at something smaller than a dime vs the size of a large grapefruit. Which is great. I should stop spotting any day now. The other thing is that since the blood has been absorbed we were able to get a good picture of the extent of the abruption. Abruptions are graded on a scale of 0 to 4. 4 being devastating where the placenta detaches completely, and 0 being a mild abruption that is often not detected until after delivery. I am about a 0.5. So this is all great news, my doctors do not anticipate that this should negatively affect us after this point. In two weeks I will be going in for a complete anatomy check on the baby to measure and check the fluids, after that we should be cake! And I'll be at 20 weeks, half way done. So much good news today and Jon comes home on Friday to share in the celebration. The only thing I am really struggling with is that my doctor still won't release me back to work. I was confused because its like if I'm fine, why can't I just get on with my life and go back to the real world. I suppose it is better to "err on the side of caution" but I am really anxious to get up and get out of here! So for now I just have to wait and see. After the anatomy check hopefully I can get back into the swing of things. Today was the first day in a while that I could just imagine holding that new baby and anticipating its arrival, not out of worry, but out of pure joy!

The Sunshine!!

Well I am grateful for the beautiful weather we have had here the past couple of days but........I came to the strangest realization this morning as I awoke with the sun streaming in my window.....This is not going away. I will never be better for the rest of this pregnancy. Even when things improve I will never be able to regain the level of activity I once had as far as working out and running. With the sun shinning and the birds outside and the cool breeze my legs ache and tingle to hit the pavement. I miss the sounds of my ipod and the fields and eagles passing me on my route. This part is going to be hard.....I keep envisioning last summer when I trained for my 1/2 marathon and I thought that was hard, but being so restricted is actually harder. I know in my head this is only temporary and I can't wait to come out on the other end of this. I keep visualizing how I will be energized and ready to ease back into my routine once the baby is hear and how maybe now I won't put off doing that full marathon I have always wanted to do. They always say you don't know how much you miss something until its gone and while trivial.....running is my escape. So for today that is the thing I am really missing and I truly long for.

Feeling much better!

Well the last couple of days I have really picked myself up. I am feeling much better. I got a new shade of red nail polish and that always helps. Today is Friday and I am approaching the last weekend I have to spend alone without Jon for a while, so I am looking forward to it being over. I am so glad that I asked for help with our sign-up sheet. We received two extra large pizzas, salad, soft drinks, and a dessert bread sticks last night and that will well carry us through the weekend! It was so generous and really helped us out. I feel such relief knowing that I don't have to worry about that. I also had the privlage of meeting another amazing woman in CA who is going through exactly the same thing as me. Odd because our doctors both told us how rare these conditions are......It was great to talk to someone who felt the same way, had the same fears, and was strong enough to be candid and honest with me, even though we just met. I have been so blessed by the support system that surrounds me, but I feel even greater reassurance now having someone who mirrors exactly what is happening to me. The best thing is we are only one week apart in our due dates, so we can go through this whole journey together. I have always believed that things happen for a reason, but in my heart I am starting to see that God finds ways of bringing people together, and helping show people an oppourtunity to do good for others, and I can't wait to pay it forward to somene in need after this beatiful, healthly baby gets here!

A Tough Day

What a day!! I don't know what it is but today was awful emotionally. I am just so exhausted and overwhelmed by everything that is going on. I realized today that I work to stay busy when my hubby is out because it provides a great distraction and sense of worth that I need. Right now I'm feeling everything that I despise, I feel useless, lazy, and pretty much ugly. I know that sounds awful, but seriously. With a five minute shower every other day it kind of feels like what is the point. I just can't wait for Jon to come home and help me. Being at home on bedrest shouldn't be that hard but it really is the hardest thing I have ever done. I try to think of it as training for something like a marathon, or competition but the truth is I can' t see the reward in sight yet with such a long, long way to go, and with an athletic competition instead of just watching your belly grow and counting every new streatch mark you actually get to see definition, increased energy and less fat! I wish I knew what would help me feel better, so that all of you wouldn't be worrying about me, and truly I am just venting at the moment. I don't think there is anything that will help except for time, which I am constantly reminded that currently I have an excess of that. Even sleep is disrupted by insomnia. I feel like groundhog day over and over again. I know this journey is going to have many more ups and downs, it just feels like such a lower down when I am alone, without Jon and if I may for a moment, thank him sarcastically for causing all of this in the first place. :) Well not really.... but blaming him for just that second did make me feel better. Maybe that's it I'll just keep blaming him for all this until he gets home!

I know I have so much to be grateful for and that things could be so much worse than they are, but I just want everyone to know how much I miss life, work and the regular activity I was able to do up until now!!

Good news is that American Idol is on tonight and the TV and I have become quite good friends, with an endless supply of "A Baby Story" "Judge Judy" and others, there is plenty of entertainment. Thanks for listening and continuing to support us. I'm sorry for feeling sorry for myself, but I just have to get it out there so I can move on to tomorrow.

Love, Jes

Another Week Down

Well this week I'll rate as optimistic and less anxious. I had an awful weekend and was cursed with the 24 hour flu which really took a toll on me, but I'm glad to have that over!!! I had my latest and greatest doctors appointment today and I just have to say I am so grateful for their care and I really feel like they are not just "treating a condition" but they are in my corner and going through this journey with me.

Here is the latest news. I have been spotting continuously with no interruption for over two weeks. The concern now at 16 weeks is that as the baby and placenta will almost double in size over the next 4 weeks and that growth can cause more of the placenta to pull away from the uterine wall resulting in a larger abruption. The other concern is that my cervix may now be nuisanced with all the abnormal activity and could be dilating or thinning which could be another reason for the spotting.

Next Monday the 8th, I will have another complete ultrasound so we can get a better picture of what is going on and why I am still consistently spotting. Once we have that information we will continue to take it a week at a time. I have a lot to look forward to though; I get to see that beautiful, strong little baby again next week and two weeks from that I will have yet another ultrasound which will measure the baby and check to make sure we are developing on time. Then my "super goal" is to make it to 24 weeks. At 24 weeks, the doctors will make every effort to save the baby and I am only 8 weeks away from that point. So 1/3 down from goal number 1...any week after that will be a great blessing!

I will talk to everyone again soon. Big Jon will be home on the 12th so I am busy missing him, and can't wait for him to come back! I am going to update the sign-up sheet again. As difficult as it is for me to ask for help, I am realizing that it is not just about me and my feelings, I need help so that I can rest and focus and baking this little baby!! Thank you so so much for your concern and prayers!!

Love, Jes